


Not All She Has

by dragonifyoudare



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Collection: Purimgifts Day 1, F/F, Fluff, Merrill and Elvhenan, angst then fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 03:42:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17841782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonifyoudare/pseuds/dragonifyoudare
Summary: Merrill learns what has been revealed about Elvhenan, and it's awful. But at least she's not alone.





	Not All She Has

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CaptainLordAuditor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainLordAuditor/gifts).



Weisshaupt was cold, above all else. Traveling north, Merrill had thought the warmth and humidity was bad, but here, in the mountains…

The people were cold, too. Oh, the Wardens were polite, but they were hardly friendly. It was like her days in the alienage that way. But Devorah was here, and Devorah was alive. And after all they’d been through, after all Varric had written to Merrill about what had happened at Adamant Fortress, that was a joy Merrill had hardly felt so keenly. Lying next to her was sweet enough on its own to keep Merrill warm through the Anderfel nights. Well, almost. She did appreciate the woolen blankets.

Carver was the only Warden who really talked to Merrill, or to Devorah, beyond pleasantries -- though it was nice to be included in those pleasantries regardless of her race. It was Carver who had brought Merrill Varric’s letter, addressed to her. Usually they were addressed to Devorah and included a bit at the end to share with Merrill, or were for the two of them together. They were _never_ just for Merrill. It made her nervous from the beginning.

Carver and Devorah sat by the fire in the quarters Merrill and Devorah shared, talking about the latest news of the Exalted Council, which was still confused and vague.Merrill unsealed the letter, thinking maybe it would clear things up, and read. And read. And, as her hands started shaking, she read more.

“Carver,” she said when she was done, voice as calm as she could make it, “Could I have a bit of time with your sister? Alone?”

 

“I’m sorry, Merrill,” Devorah said, some time later, after reading the letter herself. Merrill had tried to explain, but she hadn’t been able to keep her voice steady. “I know that...” She trailed off. “I’m here for you, even if I don’t understand.” That was one of the things Merrill loved about her: she didn’t have time for blandishments. Devorah meant every word of caring that she said.

“I knew it wasn’t perfect,” Merrill said. “I’ve seen enough of humans and elves both to know that nothing is as good as Arlathan is made out to be but…”

Devorah didn’t say anything. She took Merrill’s hand, and  waited.

“We tell each other we’re special. I suppose everyone else does that, too, but we’re not everyone else. We’re the last of the Elvhen, only that doesn’t mean what we thought it does, not at all.” Merrill squeezed Devorah’s hand, and they sat in silence for a while.

“How are you feeling?” Devorah said. Not ‘are you alright?’ because of course she wasn’t.

“I don’t know,” Merrill. “I... I spent years trying to restore a piece of our past, but what would have happened if I’d succeeded?”

Merrill had lost so much, and she had lost it for nothing. There was an emptiness in her chest, and when she tried to focus on something else -- Devorah’s worried eyes, the cold breeze slipping in under the windowsill, the feel of her nails digging into her palm -- that emptiness just seemed to expand to encompass more. She thought of Devorah’s eyes when she handed her arulin'holm, of the cold of the cave where Marethari had died, where _Merrill had killed her,_ and the pain in her hand just blended into the pain inside.

Devorah squeezed her hand again, and Merrill leaned into her, breathing in her lover’s scent, quiet tears leaking from her eyes. Eventually, she fell asleep.

 

When Merrill woke, Devorah had dozed off herself, an arm around Merrill’s shoulders.

Cautiously, as if poking something that might be dead or might be dangerous, Merrill went over it in her mind: all the revelations about Fen’harel, and the ancient elves, and Mythal. It hurt. Made her stomach clench and her heart ache. But looking at Devorah, she thought maybe… maybe that was okay. Or at least it would be, when she’d had some time.

It wasn’t fair, and it hurt, deeply and sharply, but it wasn’t all there was. Her people, and their past, had been all she’d had once, and they would always be an enormous part of her. But that wasn’t all she was, and it wasn’t all she had. She could have the grief, and she could have Devorah.

With a yawn, Devorah stirred into wakefulness.

“You’re thinking something deep, aren’t you?” she said, voice thick with sleep.

“Maybe,” Merrill said. “Thinking at least, rather than just having all these feelings, so that’s something.”

“Okay,” Devorah said. She shook her head, something she said helped her wake up, then paused and took a deep breath. “Okay. There’s something I wanted to ask you.” She went quiet for a moment, and didn’t meet Merrill’s eyes.

“Devorah? Are you alright?”

“I’m… Carver told me something, about the Inquisitor and her lover, that Sera. Apparently they, uh, they got married.”

“What? How?”

“I’m not sure. Apparently the chantry hasn’t sanctioned it, but Divine Victoria also gives anyone who suggests censuring it a death glare. So I was wondering if you… that is, uh, now that that’s a thing…”

“Hawke. Devorah. Are you proposing?”

“I think so. I’m not great at timing.”

“You really aren’t. But the answer is yes.” Merrill’s smile was smaller, quieter than it would have been a few hours ago, but it was there, and it was true.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my ever-wonderful beta, [x_medea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_medea/pseuds/x_medea) as well as Cobalt, a non-fanfiction buddy who nonetheless helped out!
> 
> Also, credits for the stock image I used:  
> [Paper photo created by freepik - www.freepik.com](https://www.freepik.com/free-photos-vectors/paper)


End file.
